Friday, February 20, 2015

Why being a mom is enough for me

I had always wanted to be a mother someday,but I never realized how important it was to me til the day I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was so thrilled and nauseous but it finally happened!I was only 5 weeks along but I was going to be a mom! It was 5a.m. the next morning and I was woken up by these cramps and pains I never knew could hurt so bad and when I opened my eyes I knew something wasn't right.  I was misscarrying. We headed to the hospital to be sure of what was happening and when the doctor said the words no woman trying to have a baby wants to hear, I lost it. I was inconsolable. I couldn't stop crying. My baby was gone and I was devastated. I cried for weeks. I would be fine one minute and all of a sudden I was sobbing. I am not big on crying in front of people let alone strangers but I had no control over it. Once the tears started, there was no stopping them. We waited a few days and then saw a doctor. She told us we needed to wait awhile til trying again. Two months later, I found out I was pregnant with Lauren. I was so happy heavenly father answered my prayer. I wanted to be a mother and I got what I asked for. Though thinking of the miscarriage still makes me sad, I'm so blessed to have Lauren. She brings me so much joy. She is a sweet and loving little girl. She laughs at nothing and everything and her laugh is hilarious. Her smile warms my heart. Being a mom is the best job I ever could have hoped for. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Let's just stop

Ever feel like everyone is judging everything you do? I feel that way at times. I'm also guilty of judging others sometimes. We all do it. I'd love to say I'm not judgemental, but that would make me a liar and a hypocrite. We make it seem so normal. Thinking it's okay if we judge others because they're probably judging us too. Let's stop thinking that way!  Spread kindness! Go do something nice for someone. I promise you'll feel great. Let's promote love instead of hate. Instead of thinking negatively of someone tell them something you like about them. Get to know them better before you assume they aren't worth getting to know. We all want to be loved and accepted. So we should be loving and accepting right?

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Depression is very real

A lot of people don't know, but I suffer from clinical depression. I have more good days than bad, But the bad days feel unbearable. Logically I know that I have so many things to be happy and grateful for, but that doesn't make the sadness null and void. Sometimes  I feel really sad and I just want to stay in bed all day and cry, and some days I do. The pain can be paralyzing at times. The only thing  I can manage to tell myself is tomorrow will be better than today. That's not always true though. Sometimes I am in a funk for days at a time. Depression is very real and there are so many people who silently battle it. I personally don't let many people see that side of me, but it's there. One thing that I would like to give as advice from a person with depression to people who don't, Please don't tell us we have nothing to be depressed about. You may be right but we are anyway. Some times There is nothing in particular that I'm sad about. I'm just sad. So be considerate. You never know who is having a bad day.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

You're way too young to not believe it's gonna be okay

"Happiness is a mood, it's a condition, not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry; it's not permanent. It comes and goes  and that's okay.I feel like if people thought of it that way, they'd find happiness a lot more often." This is one of my favorite quotes. It holds so much truth. We are constantly trying to make ourselves happy. Thinking that if he had a certain job or looked a certain way, we would be  happy. That's not the way it is, and I firmly believe it's not supposed to be that way either. We are ever changing creatures. Whether it's emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual, we are always changing. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. I think that if we are at least trying to make it for the better, we will see and feel those moments of pure happiness. It may not be right away but when you look back at all the moments in your life, you will see a beautiful mess of happiness, sadness, pain, anger, and gratitude for the life you have lived. So stop looking for all the "right ways' to finding happiness and just enjoy the moments you have. There is happiness mixed in there. I guarantee it.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

When life gets lonely

For those of you who don't know, I'm a stay at home mom. My husband is currently attending BYU and working two jobs so that I have the privilege of staying home. He has classes Monday to Friday, works graveyard shift Monday to Thursday, and works weekends at his other job.That leaves a lot of alone time for me, so naturally I get lonely sometimes. I have a really hard time opening up to people so that's why i decided to blog. It's easier to write it down than say it to an actual person. I've always been able to get along with pretty much anyone but I have such a hard time actually creating friendships. To be honest talking to new people freaks me out. My heart pounds, my palms sweat, and I never have any idea what to say.So then I awkwardly smile and carry on with my day. Sometimes I feel like I'm not approachable. I've been  in a married student ward for a year and a half and i haven't made hardly any friends. What happened to the good old days in kindergarten when you could walk up to someone and say " let's be friends!" I would feel like an idiot doing  that as an adult. So I keep to myself and hope things change. Maybe I should make more of an effort? I just have this constant fear of rejection, and an extreme lack of self confidence. Who would want to be friends with me? I'm neurotic, insecure, and sometimes a little too much to take on. For all the people who are my friends, thank you for putting up with my crazy self!


I've finally decided to start a blog. Sometimes I feel like my life is pretty boring and ordinary, but everyone needs an outlet. So this is mine. If you choose to read my blog, here's what you're in for: random thoughts, rants, complaints, and a whole lot of bragging about my beautiful, sweet, and loving baby girl. If you have no interest in those things, don't read future posts. I would like this to be a safe place to vent when needed so if I offend you in any way please know it's not intentional and that I apologize. Thanks for reading!